What is meaningful in my life today?

What is meaningful in my life today? Literally today, not figuratively “today” as in “at present” or “lately.”

I haven’t posted a blog in several months. That’s okay, of course. But as I’m sitting at my laptop, it’s my day off, and I have actually signed in to my WordPress dashboard, well, it seems like a good time for a check-in.

What is meaningful in my life today?

It’s probably an easy and not so easy question to answer. My knee-jerk, easy response would be, “nothing, probably.” Because so far today, I’ve answered some work e-mails (yeah, on my day off), I’ve unpacked a couple more boxes, I’ve had breakfast, I’ve washed my face, I’ve brushed and flossed my teeth, I’ve taken my medication, I’ve played silly games on my phone, I’ve read a few Facebook status updates and a blog post.

Those things don’t seem meaningful on the surface or at first thought (or glance).

But the easy answer is also a cheap answer. I deserve better than that from myself.

The not so easy answer is that all those mundane things have contextual significance. It isn’t easy to do those things when I’m struggling with Depression and disordered eating. It’s no small task to get out of bed and be productive. Eating breakfast is an accomplishment. Taking my meds and taking them at the scheduled time is an accomplishment. What some might consider basic hygiene (which is a privileged viewpoint) is an accomplishment. It’s meaningful that I choose to get out of bed and take action to live life today, however life looks today. It’s meaningful that washing my face always reminds me of my sister, Myshelle, because that’s one of the last things we did together. Washing my face today also reminds me of Mama Mary, because I have some of her things, including still-packaged face-washing sponges, in my bathroom.Face Mask

It’s meaningful to eat breakfast because I’m hungry, when ED might tell me otherwise. It’s meaningful to do simple things that I enjoy and in moderate doses, like play silly games on my phone; giving myself permission to do them, to enjoy them, and to keep them to a fairly small portion of the morning — these are ways that I take care of myself. It’s meaningful to check Facebook, again in moderation, to have some social connection to friends and family and to read blogs and articles that encourage and challenge me. It’s meaningful to unpack a few more boxes and tidy up so that this time in Madera starts to feel less surreal and bizarre and more like home for now. It’s meaningful that I haven’t put myself into an existential crisis today just by checking in and asking what’s meaningful, honestly.

There’s meaning today among the mundane, and I’m thankful for this time spent checking in with myself in a meaningful way.

What’s meaningful in your day? What are your easy and not so easy answers?

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